[DRAFT] for you
Posted by Dwight-and-Aileen on Oct 13, '07 11:01 PM for everyone
Dear Daddy,
I miss you. I missed you the past few nights I've been staying up late to finish stuff before we leave. I missed going to bed the 3 of us all together. I miss us smothering Nikki with kiss after kiss after kiss, and her kissing us back.
Tonight, we sleep on different beds. I don’t like sleeping alone, Hon. I'm lying here awake, and I'm hating every minute. Funny how, before I met you, I was so used to being alone. I sure didn’t like sleeping with anyone. I loved having the bed to myself, to sprawl out across and not worry about crowding someone else.
Now, I can not sleep without my foot touching yours, even if it’s the only part of us that’s touching. Even on nights we’ve gone to bed mad at each other, I still manage to sneak my foot over to touch yours or notice that you do the same. I toss and turn without the weight of your body next to mine, the sound of your slow soft breathing, or even a small soft snore.
When you aren’t with me I feel like someone has torn me in half and the other half is missing, and this half wanders through the day in a sort of daze missing your half.
When we got back from the airport, I sat down and stared long at the hallway. I was hald-expecting you'd come walking in the door, as if you had not gone.I know it’s just that familiarity of expecting to see you sitting there at the table, or on the sofa, or at the computer, or down on the floor watching me the way you do. If I closed my eyes I could imagine you were about to walk up beside me, behind me instead of in an apartment room in downtown san francisco.
Tonight me and nikki stuck pretty closely together. We were silent but in our mutual quietness was an acknowledgement of us missing the same thing: you.
I keep thinking of things I want to tell you, or talk to you about and yet you’re not here and you are where I’d rather be, and for various reasons. I think “Thank god this is a temporary thing.” For I could never imagine it being more than that, and hope I never have to.
Without you here it’s quiet and lonely for me. My heart has held such a weight all day, but I know once you are there safe and sound, I will feel better and once you’re here again, I will rest easier.
When I crawl into the bed and snuggle up to you ready to face the future with new hope and new dreams and new visions for tomorrows to come, the nightmare is over.
Hurry home, my love. I wish I were there with you, and there is a part of me that is angry that I’m not, but not at you, and not at God, but just angry at this illness that is more and more beginning to hold me as it’s hostage at times.
I know when you’re here I can take anything on, and even this monster illness doesn’t seem too much to bear. I miss you. I love you and I’m counting the minutes til you return.
I miss you. I missed you the past few nights I've been staying up late to finish stuff before we leave. I missed going to bed the 3 of us all together. I miss us smothering Nikki with kiss after kiss after kiss, and her kissing us back.
Tonight, we sleep on different beds. I don’t like sleeping alone, Hon. I'm lying here awake, and I'm hating every minute. Funny how, before I met you, I was so used to being alone. I sure didn’t like sleeping with anyone. I loved having the bed to myself, to sprawl out across and not worry about crowding someone else.
Now, I can not sleep without my foot touching yours, even if it’s the only part of us that’s touching. Even on nights we’ve gone to bed mad at each other, I still manage to sneak my foot over to touch yours or notice that you do the same. I toss and turn without the weight of your body next to mine, the sound of your slow soft breathing, or even a small soft snore.
When you aren’t with me I feel like someone has torn me in half and the other half is missing, and this half wanders through the day in a sort of daze missing your half.
When we got back from the airport, I sat down and stared long at the hallway. I was hald-expecting you'd come walking in the door, as if you had not gone.I know it’s just that familiarity of expecting to see you sitting there at the table, or on the sofa, or at the computer, or down on the floor watching me the way you do. If I closed my eyes I could imagine you were about to walk up beside me, behind me instead of in an apartment room in downtown san francisco.
Tonight me and nikki stuck pretty closely together. We were silent but in our mutual quietness was an acknowledgement of us missing the same thing: you.
I keep thinking of things I want to tell you, or talk to you about and yet you’re not here and you are where I’d rather be, and for various reasons. I think “Thank god this is a temporary thing.” For I could never imagine it being more than that, and hope I never have to.
Without you here it’s quiet and lonely for me. My heart has held such a weight all day, but I know once you are there safe and sound, I will feel better and once you’re here again, I will rest easier.
When I crawl into the bed and snuggle up to you ready to face the future with new hope and new dreams and new visions for tomorrows to come, the nightmare is over.
Hurry home, my love. I wish I were there with you, and there is a part of me that is angry that I’m not, but not at you, and not at God, but just angry at this illness that is more and more beginning to hold me as it’s hostage at times.
I know when you’re here I can take anything on, and even this monster illness doesn’t seem too much to bear. I miss you. I love you and I’m counting the minutes til you return.
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